Football time is here!

[Bill Howell]

While I am not a real big football fan, Bob Johnson sent me this and I thought I would share it here.
Sorry in advance for the North/South thing.........NOT.....lol

FOOTBALL SEASON IS FINALLY HERE!
Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically
Different than up North.
For those who are planning a football trip down South, here are some helpful hints:
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Fathers
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
Campus Decor
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman Trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen
NORTH: Also physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America .
Heroes
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani.
SOUTH: Bear Bryant, Steve Spurrier, and anyone named Manning.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually try to make it to class.
Getting Tickets
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the campus ticket office and purchase tickets.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the campus ticket office and put your name on the waiting list for tickets.
Parking
NORTH: An hour before kickoff, the university opens the campus for Game parking.
SOUTH: RV's sporting school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. Some of the really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students get together in the dorms and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "College Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "College Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.
Tailgating
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local
Radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by performance from a live band whose members come over during breaks to ask for hits off bottles of bourbon
Getting to the Stadium
NORTH: You ask, "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On gameday it becomes the state's third largest city.
Commentary (Male)
NORTH: "Nice play."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!"
Commentary (Female)
NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!"
Concessions
NORTH: Drinks are served in a paper cup, filled to the top with "pop" Or "soda" or whatever the hell they call it up there.
SOUTH: Drinks are served in a plastic cup, with the home team's
mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda to leave enough room for bourbon.
Announcers
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Play-by-play and color guys both harmonize with the crowd with a pride-filled tear in their eye as fight song plays.
After the Game
NORTH: The stadium starts to empty out before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game. Nothing else in the universe comes halfway close to the glories of
Southern football.