Just a funny:

[shmoov69]

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must NOT get even a drop of pain on thier habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off thier habits and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it??" call one of the nuns.
"Blind man" replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and decide that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, so they opend the door.
"Nice boobs babe!" says the man, "where do you want these blinds??"

[WS6]

hahaha you're going to hell for that one hahaha










ok only kidding. That was good.

[6'9"Witha69]

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

[shmoov69]

Lol !

[shmoov69]

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart and
the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and put it in their
shopping cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks
the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24
cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford
them,' demands the wife. So he does and they carry on
shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman
picks up a $20 jar of face cream and put it in the shopping
cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the
husband.
'Its my face cream. It makes me look
beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of
Budweiser and its half the price.

[Roger M]

LoL. very good!

[shmoov69]

A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a
sheer negligee for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250
to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.
Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500,
and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her
to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy-), 'I have
an idea.. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I
won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked,
return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for
myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The
husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500,
they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.

[BADNBLK]

[shmoov69]

A cabbie picks up a
Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab
driver won't
stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.


He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend
you.'

She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old
as I am and
have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and

hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or

ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy
to ha ve a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do
about that: #1, you have to
be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'


The cab driver is very excited and says,'Yes, I'm single and
Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The
nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.


But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.


'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive
me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and
I'm
Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a
Halloween
party.'

[shmoov69]

I will seek and find you
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm
finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.








All my love,
*The Flu*


Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

[shmoov69]

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the
end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.

You've done very well so far,' said, Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, 'but
for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend.
Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?'

'Sure,' said Mick. 'I'll have a go!'

'Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?'

A: Sparrow

B: Thrush

C: Magpie

D: Cuckoo

I haven't got a clue,' said Mick, 'so I'll use me last lifeline and phone me
friend Paddy back home in Dublin '. Mick called up his mate, and told him the
circumstances and repeated the question to him.

'Fookin hell, Mick!' cried Paddy. 'Dat's simple......it's a cuckoo.'

'Are you sure?'

'I'm fookin sure.'

Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, 'I'll go wit Cuckoo as me answer.'

'Is that your final answer?' asked Chris 'Dat it is, Sir.'

There was a long - long pause, then the presenter screamed, 'Cuckoo is the
correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!'

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.

'Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't
build it's own nest?



'Because he lives in a Fookin clock!'

[WS6]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1piuJzS7H-4

wow!

[shmoov69]

Heard it a long time ago.
But still think DOOH!!!

[qnitro]

I'll go next:

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence. We both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident.

See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, Id like two tickets to Pittsburgh, I accidentally said Id like two pickets to Tittsburgh., so she socked me a good one."

The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.

But I accidentally said, "You've ruined my life, you evil, self-centered, fat-assed biotch."

ROFL...

[WS6]

HI! My name is Trey and I can't read the other posts on this page so I decided I'd do a repost.

[shmoov69]

C'mon Trey......Look 6 post's up!! LOL!

[WS6]

holy crap! DOH! I can't believe I missed that. Must have been one of those days I was actually paying attention to school work.

[shmoov69]

Lol!

[WS6]

Two Garbage Bags
>
> A little old lady is walking down the street dragging
> two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once
> in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman
> stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.'
> 'Oh, really? Darn!' says the little old lady. 'I'd
> better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me..'
>
> 'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you
> get all that money?' 'You didn't steal it, did you?'
>
> 'Oh, no', says the little old lady. 'You see, my back
> yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of
> fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind
> the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through
> the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes.'
>
> 'Well, that seems only fair.' laughs the cop. OK? Good
> luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'
>
> 'Well, you know', says the little old lady, 'not
> everybody pays

[shmoov69]

Daylight savings logic:

When told the reason for daylight savings time an old Indian said...

'Only a white man would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket and sew it

to the bottom of a blanket and have a longer blanket.'