Just a funny:

[Bob Johnson]

indian brave goes up to mama and ask her how young braves get their names..she says go ask the Chief..he names them..He goes up to chief and asks.. and Chief says..Chief look around the landscape and into the sky and whatever catches his eye the most, he names the little brave..say if he sees a bear running in the forest, he names the brave running bear, or say he hears a wolf howling he names him howling wolf..why do you ask two dogs *******?

[6'9"Witha69]

The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual
police car videos around the country.

#15. "Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11. "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#4. "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3. "In God we trust, all others we run through CPIC/NCIC."

#2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're
right, we don't. Sign here."

[Bob Johnson]

Kid has a date with a sure thing and needs rubbers. he goes in the drug store and gets cold feet. He hasn't got the guts to go up to the counter and ask the clerk so he just stands around..the female clerk goes up and asks him what he needs. He tells her I want, er do you have, er can I get..She asks do you want some prophylactics? Relieved he says yes..She asks What size do you need? He said I didn't know they came in sizes..She said yes..there's small/medium/and large..He said I don't know..She said well we'll have to go to the fitting room and see. They go in the back room and there's a big plywood wall with a hole in it. She told him to go behind the wall and poke his penis thru the hole. He goes back and puts his penis thru the hole. She plays with it, gets it hard, drops her panties, backs up on it and does the dirty deed. After the happy ending she has him come around front where she asks him now how many prophylactics do you want? He said I've changed my mind..I want two sheets of that plywood.. I'm not sure but I think this is how Howell got into the building business..

[Bob Johnson]

Rabbi and Priest watching the grammar school kids playing during recess..Priest says lets screw one of those little boys..Rabbi says..Outta What???

[JoshStratton]

OMG. You are so so wrong. Got anymore?

[69rs]

Those are funny, but do y'all realize what's gonna happen when Bob sees this thread?!?

Don't say I didn't warn you people!

[Bob Johnson]

got more? are you kiddin? Guys walkin on the beach and steps on something..picks it up..it's a old lantern..he pulls off the top and out pops a Genie..Genie has been in that lantern for centuries..thanks him for releasing him and gives him 3 wishes..1st wish? Guy asks for 7 new Cadillacs..different color for every day of the week..Genie says you got it..and as a bonus, your wife gets double everything you get..so she gets 14 new Caddies..2 different colors for every day..2nd wish? I want $100,000,000 in cash..Ok you get 100 mil. and your wife gets double what you got..200 mil. 3rd and final wish?..Guy scratches his head and thinks a minute..looks at Genie..says do you see that big piece of driftwood over there?..Genie says Yes..Guy said..beat me half to death with it...YOWZAA

[Bob Johnson]

guys cleaning out his attic and comes up on an old bottle..uncorks it and Genie pops out..gives him one wish for releasing him. Guy makes his wish..later that evening he's having sex with his wife..asks he if she feels anything different..she says no..he gets all bowed up, digs his toes in and really starts working it when the door bell rings..He said what the heck..who could that be..he goes to the front door, opens it and there stands a KKK Klansman all dressed in a white robe and a big rope in his hand with a noose on the end..Klansman looks him in the eye and said Where's that MFer that wants to be hung like a NNNNN.....UH HUH

[shmoov69]

It might be a good idea to have a Jokes section, for nothing but jokes, in the forum just to keep us occupied while we are not doing anything productive!
Maybe right under the Outhouse.
Just an idea!

[69rs]

It might be a good idea to have a Jokes section, for nothing but jokes, in the forum just to keep us occupied while we are not doing anything productive!
Maybe right under the Outhouse.
Just an idea!

Call it Bob's house! Or Cooter's Corner!

[Bob Johnson]

Man is in the waiting room at the hospital waiting for word on his wife and his child that's being delivered. Doc walks out and has a concerned look on his face. Man eagerly ask..Is my wife OK?..Doc says yes your wife is fine..He said how is the baby. Doc said the baby is fine but he had a small deformity..but we've fixed him right up. Man asks doc..What was the deformity? Doc says..he was born without an eye lid..man says well what did you do..Doc says well when we circumsized him, we used part of the foreskin and made him an eyelid. Man sighs and asks..Well is he going to be OK? Doc says well he'll be a little kock eyed but otherwise he'll be OK..
boulyaaah...

[Bob Johnson]

Call it Bob's house! Or Cooter's Corner!

looks like it's gonna be..none of these guys know more than 1 joke..and I've already heard it.

[TonyL]

Ralph arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by another man. The IRS guy assumed the other man was Ralph's attorney.

Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported employment income. How do you explain that?"

Ralph replied, "I love to gamble and I usually win."

The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look.

"I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!"

Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it.

The official's jaw dropped. Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The official could tell Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet.

Ralph then removed his dentures and bit his good eye.

The stunned official was now three grand in the hole

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and piss into that wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again!

Ralph climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much peed all over the desk.

The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win! But then he noticed that Ralph's friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

The man replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Ralph bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd piss on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"


/knows lots more than 1 joke.

[Bob Johnson]

Ralph arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by another man. The IRS guy assumed the other man was Ralph's attorney.

Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported employment income. How do you explain that?"

Ralph replied, "I love to gamble and I usually win."

The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look.

"I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!"

Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it.

The official's jaw dropped. Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The official could tell Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet.

Ralph then removed his dentures and bit his good eye.

The stunned official was now three grand in the hole

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and piss into that wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again!

Ralph climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much peed all over the desk.

The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win! But then he noticed that Ralph's friend looked ashen and was visibly shaking.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

The man replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Ralph bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd piss on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"


/knows lots more than 1 joke.

then keep um coming

[Bob Johnson]

You know why god made semen white and pee yellow...that's so Tennessee Hill Billys will know whether they're coming or going..

You know why he made #1 yellow and #2 brown..that's so The Tennessee HB's will know which way to put on their underwear..yellow in front/brown in rear..if there is even a rear in them..then blown out hole in rear..

Howell's doctor told him he wanted a semen/urine/stool sample for his physical..Howell's wife said no problem..just sent in his underwear

now don't write back and say you don't wear underwear like the Imperial guy that cops stole his car..

[shmoov69]

> Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30
> years,reunited at a party. After several drinks, one
> of themen had to use the rest room. Those who
> remainedtalked about their kids. The first guy said,
> "My son is my pride and joy. Hestarted working at a
> successful company at thebottom of the barrel. He
> studied Economics andBusiness Administration and
> soon
> began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the
> president of the company. He became so rich that
> he
> gave his bestfriend a top of the line Mercedes
> for his birthday."The second guy said, "Darn, that's
> terrific! My son isalso my pride and joy. He started
> working for a bigairline, then went to flight
> school
> to become apilot. Eventually he became a partner in
> the company,where he owns the majority of its
> assets.
> He's sorich that he gave his best friend a brand new
> jet forhis birthday. The third man said: "Well,
> that's
> terrific! My son studied in the best universities
> and
> became anengineer. Then he started his own
> construction companyand is now a multimillionaire.
> He
> also gave awaysomething very nice and expensive to
> his best friendfor his birthday: A 30,000 square
> foot mansion." The three friends congratulated each
> other just as the fourth friend returned from the
> restroom andasked: "What are all the congratulations
> for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about
> the pride we feel for the successes of our sons.
> ...Whatabout your son?" The fourth man replied:
> "My
> son is gay and makes aliving dancing as a stripper
> at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a
> shame...what a disappointment." The fourth man
> replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's myson and I
> love
> him. And he hasn't done too badeither. His birthday
> was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful
> 30,000
> square foot mansion,
> abrand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from
> histhree boyfriends."

[shmoov69]

A guy was in the line at the supermarket, when he noticed a Beautiful blond woman smiling and waving at him. So he says, "Do I know you?"

She replies. "I may be mistaken, but I think you may be the
Father of one of my children."

Instantly his mind shoots back to the one and only time he had
Been unfaithful.

"Dooh!" he says. "Are you the stripper from my bachelor
Party that I had sex with on Joe's pool table in front of all my
Buddies while your girlfriend spanked me with wet celery and
Stuck a cucumber in my butt?"

"No" she replies. "I'm your daughter's second grade teacher."

[Bob Johnson]

A guy was in the line at the supermarket, when he noticed a Beautiful blond woman smiling and waving at him. So he says, "Do I know you?"

She replies. "I may be mistaken, but I think you may be the
Father of one of my children."

Instantly his mind shoots back to the one and only time he had
Been unfaithful.

"Dooh!" he says. "Are you the stripper from my bachelor
Party that I had sex with on Joe's pool table in front of all my
Buddies while your girlfriend spanked me with wet celery and
Stuck a cucumber in my butt?"

"No" she replies. "I'm your daughter's second grade teacher."

you've been readin Playboy

[Bob Johnson]

Guy is sitting in a bar and looks to the other end and sees this knock out blond sitting there looking at him..He tells the bartender to go over and tell her I would like to buy her a drink. She refuses,gets up and as she walks by him their eyes meet..she stops and looks at him and says Pete is that you? Puzzled he says yes..do I know you? She sits down and says yes and no..He said what do you mean? She said remember your good friend Joe from high school? I'm Joe..I've had a sex change operation..He was flabergasted..they talked over old times and the conversation finally got around to the sex change. He said what did they do. She said well first they cut off my penis..He said OOH..that must have painful..She said no that wasn't the painful part..He said what else? She said then they cut off my testicles..he said that must have been painful. She said that wasn't the painful part. He said what else..She said they gave me numerous hormone shots, & cut open my chest and put implants in..He said that must have been the painful part..She said no..He said then what was the painful part? She said when they drilled a hole in my head and sucked half my phuken brains out... this joke works great when you're telling jokes in mixed company at a big party..you're guaranteed to be a big hit..The woman version punchline is.. When they cut my paycheck in half....

[shmoov69]

you've been readin Playboy

No, actually someone emailed it to me!