Just a funny:

[shmoov69]

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won?t tell the kids what kind of
meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
Well, he said, It's what mommy calls me sometimes.
The little girl screams to her brother.
Don't eat it, it's an a$$hole!

[WS6]

To My Friends of the Democratic Persuasion:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best
wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible,
gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday of your choice,
practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion
of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect
for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others,
or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions
at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling
and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the
generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect
and recognition for the calendars of choice of other cultures
whose contributions to society have helped make America great.
This is not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any
other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also,
this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age,
physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.



To My Friends of the Republican Persuasion:



Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

[shmoov69]

LOL! Amen!

[6'9"Witha69]

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joseph told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike.

[AButler]

A pre-school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word "definitely" in a sentence?" First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can also be grey or orange." Then a little boy says, "Trees are definitely green." "Sorry, but in the autumn the trees are brown." Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!" "OK. Then I have definitely sh*t my pants."

[Chad-1stGen]

This is one of the greatest threads on this site lol.

[Young Gun]

This is one of the greatest threads on this site lol.

i think it deserves a sticky hahah

[shmoov69]

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.

As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I`m doing ?"

"Yes," she says, "you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological
abnormalities."

"Correct," says the doctor.
He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I`m doing now", he says.

"Yes," says the woman, "you`re checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"That`s right," replies the doctor.

He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You`re getting herpes."

[shmoov69]

A little boy was sitting on the curb with a quart of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A while later a Priest came along and asked the boy what he had. He said, "This is the most powerful liquid on earth, it's called turpentine." The priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid on earth is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a healthy baby."
The boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's butt, he'll pass a Harley Davidson."

[WS6]

http://www.livevideo.com/video/41106...A/tequila.aspx

[shmoov69]

That's pretty good! LOL

[Bill Howell]

As requested, I cleaned it up guys.
This is a joke thread, I happen to agree with the joke in question, but that is beside the point.

Jokes are meant to be laughed at, not get your panties in a wade over.

Back to our regularly scheduled program.

[BMF Machine]

How in the heck did ya do that Bill?

[Bill Howell]

majic buttons....hehe

[yellowrallys]

As requested, I cleaned it up guys.
This is a joke thread, I happen to agree with the joke in question, but that is beside the point.

Jokes are meant to be laughed at, not get your panties in a wade over.

Back to our regularly scheduled program.

Would that be the same as getting ones panties in a WAD, Bill?
Or is it wadd?
waud
wuad

[BMF Machine]

Yes, it was early, I could not sleep? I had a cyst cut out by my tailbone and was fit to be tied? Sorry again?

[twosaturns]

not so much a funny, as it is a guide for life.

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and
wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that she has told you to do several times, but is now
doing it herself. This will later result in you asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

[shmoov69]

As Ben Franklin said : In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is
freedom, in water there is Bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated
that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we
would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) -
Bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila,
rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a
purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water
and be full of *****. There is no need to thank me for this valuable
information: I'm doing it as a public service.

[shmoov69]

Lucky night at the bar.
A guy had an interesting experience recently involving an "older" woman he met at a bar.

She looked pretty darn HOT for 62. She was drinking quite a bit and, while they were chatting, she came right out and asked him if he'd ever had a "sportsman's double" - a mother and daughter threesome.

He said no, but she might be able to talk him into it. So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth and, looking directly into his eyes, says, "Tonight's your lucky night."


So they go back to her place, she clicks on the hall light right as they enter her place, and she shouts upstairs:
"Mom! You still awake?"

[shmoov69]

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says
to the pharmacist: "I got a hot date tonight, an'
I need me
some pertection. How much is a pack a' them rubbers
gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A
three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a'
mighty, don't they stay on by themselves?