Just a funny:

[69rs]

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you're fromCalifornia if:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4.!Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
9. !A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S ..
11. Unlike back home, the guy at8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal?
14.It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."
15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists.
19. The Terminator is your governor.
20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they want to give you one.

[6'9"Witha69]

Number 2 is near the situation I am in.
14 and 16 has been like the last 2 weeks here!

[camaro608]

lol thats a good one

[JoshStratton]

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $10...A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits $10 and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener (Aisle 9).
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo (Aisle 7).
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins, they aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart

[muthstryker]

josh you shud read all of them lol something like that has been posted. haha

[JoshStratton]

LOL i have. There are so many that they get lost at this point.

[minendrews68]

Billy Bob and Bobbi Sue were out driving one Friday night and turned down this ol' field road and decided to do what comes naturally. Sure enough it starts raining. Bobbi Sue asks Billy, "Don't you think we need to be going, I'm afraid were going to get stuck out here".
Billy Bob wasn't about to let this opportunity go by and tells her "Naw, we ain't gonna get stuck it's not raining that hard". Well, it was and they did!

Bobbi Sue is mad and tells him, "I told you we'd get stuck, and starts crying"

"relax", said Billy, " There are a couple of houses down the road I'll just walk up there and get one of those farmers to pull us out", So Billy takes off walkin'.

As he gets to the first house he sees a light on and decides to look in the window in the door and was amazed at what he saw.

Inside was a old man and old woman. Both were naked and the old woman was sitting on a couch squeezing her T$T and pointing toward the front door.

The old man was sitting in a chair masterbating with a umbrella over his head. Well Billy Bob thought this was too weird and decided to walk another two miles to the next house. Again, he looked in the window and saw a man and woman watching tv and a couple of kids on the floor playing. Billy thought this was an average family so he knocked on the door. The man came to the door and after Billy told him that sure 'nuff he and his girlfriend had been parking down the road and got stuck.

The man agreed to go pull him out but asked, " The old man down the road has a tractor in his front yard, why didn't you go there instead of walking this extra two miles"?

Billy said, " Those people are lunatics!, the old woman was sitting on a couch squeezing her t$ts and pointing to the front door, and the old man was sitting on the couch masterbating with a umbrella over his head".

The farmer couldn't hold it in he started laughing and said " Those people aren't crazy, they're deaf and dumb, She's telling her husband to go out and milk the cows. He's telling her phuk you, it's raining outside".

[Bob Johnson]

what do you call a Mexican female with no legs? kuntswaylow......

[Bob Johnson]

You know why God didn't make any blonde *******? Just how stupid do you want one SOB to be?

[baz67]

With friends like this.....

[Bill Howell]

US History Review

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez,
the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
"Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' "

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand
up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of
the
people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the
earth?" Again, no response, except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln,
1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!
Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history
than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The
teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the
teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little ****. If
you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to
Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the
floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck"!

The teacher asked "Who said that?

Pedro: **** Cheney 2006!

[muthstryker]

lol so funny hahahah

[muthstryker]

funny pic i took one night on the way home forgot i had this. this pic was taken in a very very small hick town :P lol just found it funny

[muthstryker]

heres another one i have cool urinal haha

[shmoov69]

Living Will:

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

B1tch...

[muthstryker]

^^^ hahahahaha thats funny.

[stonebreaker]

A guy is 81 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me
up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and
I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give
you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up
carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said
kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd
rather have a talking frog"

[Bob Johnson]

word is ol Howell is on a new diet...
South Beached Whale Diet..

[muthstryker]

you sure its not the seafood diet?? see food eat it...

[muthstryker]

My invision of Bill Howell and Bob Johnson sorry i have to pick on you older guys its just fun lol