Just a funny:

[shmoov69]

An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor.

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order."

O'Malley was shocked, but managed to compose himself and walk into the waiting room, where his son had been waiting.

"Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the pub and have a few pints."

They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

O'Malley! told his friends they were drinking to his impending end. "I have been diagnosed with AIDS. "The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple of more beers.



After the friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS."

O'Malley said, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your Mother after I'm gone."

[shmoov69]

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man, seeing this, said "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

[Bob Johnson]

Ol Bill howell was on the Oprah Winfrey show..The topic of discussion is Ghosts..She asked anyone who believes in Ghosts please stand..about a third of the audience stood up. She said if anyone has ever seen a ghost, remain standing..all others sit down. About two thirds sat down. The she ask if anyone had ever talked to a ghost..That left only a handful of people. then she ask has anyone ever had sex with a ghost..Only Billy boy remained standing. She ran back to him and ask You mean you've had sex with a ghost?..Billy replied..Oh I thought you said Goat.

[Bob Johnson]

Three Nuns were driving to Mass and were involved in a horrendous traffic accident and all 3 were killed. When the three met St. Peter at the pearly gates, Peter approached them and told them since they had led such exemplary lives, he was going to give them 1 wish each..to do anything they wanted, before they entered heaven.He asked the first nun what she wanted..She said, I've never had sex..I'd like to have sex before I enter heaven. He said who would you like to have sex with. She said Clark Gabel. He said your wish is granted. He asked the 2nd nun. She also had never had sex..She chose Robert Redford. He then asked the third Nun..She also had never had sex. He said who would you like? She said Bill Howell. He said Bill Howell..why Bill Howell? She said all my life, all I ever heard was screw Bill Howell

screw? man the censors are messing up my jokes

[muthstryker]

Ol Bill howell was on the Oprah Winfrey show..The topic of discussion is Ghosts..She asked anyone who believes in Ghosts please stand..about a third of the audience stood up. She said if anyone has ever seen a ghost, remain standing..all others sit down. About two thirds sat down. The she ask if anyone had ever talked to a ghost..That left only a handful of people. then she ask has anyone ever had sex with a ghost..Only Billy boy remained standing. She ran back to him and ask You mean you've had sex with a ghost?..Billy replied..Oh I thought you said Goat.

lol ^^ i think bob needs to get out of the retirement home he has to much time on his hands.

[kmcanally]

Lorainne Bobbit had a wreck..Police were taking her statement..She told them some dik cut her off

You heard that after she cut it off she threw it out the car window and it hit the windshield of an elderly couples car driving behind her. The old woman said to her husband "did you see the size of the **** on that bug?"

[kmcanally]

Two guys are out playing golf...the first guy tees up and slices hard to the right and then his buddy tees up and hooks hard to the left. The first guy finds his ball in a thick patch of butter cups and proceeds to wale away trying to hit his ball with butter cups flying everywhere when mother nature appears and she is pissed! She says "son you will never ever again have butter the rest of your life." He says so what as he finally hits his ball. Then he goes walking across the fairway looking for and calling out to his buddy when he hears him yell "I am over here in this patch of pu$$y willows" ...He yells back "DONT HIT THAT BALL!"

[Bob Johnson]

know the difference between a Dodge Viper and a porcupine? The pri*k is on the inside of the viper

[muthstryker]

lol thats a good one ^^

[Bob Johnson]

a precious little girl walked into a pet store and asked with a lisp. "excuthe me mithter, do you sell widdle wabbits?
The shopkeeper's heart melted, and he knelt down beside her and asked. "do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft bwack one?
The little girl replied, "I don't think my python gives a thit."

[toxicz28]

a precious little girl walked into a pet store and asked with a lisp. "excuthe me mithter, do you sell widdle wabbits?
The shopkeeper's heart melted, and he knelt down beside her and asked. "do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft bwack one?
The little girl replied, "I don't think my python gives a thit."

You "read" Playboy too, I see.

[Bob Johnson]

yeth

[Doug Cooper]

You "read" Playboy too, I see.

Who reads Playboy? I thought you looked at the pictures!

[toxicz28]

Who reads Playboy? I thought you looked at the pictures!

Of course! And then you read the jokes on the backside of the centerfold.

[Damn True]

There's jokes in playboy?

[protour_chevelle]

Playboy does have some interesting reads....

-Matt

[formula]

playboy has words?

[6'9"Witha69]

playboy has words?

Yes, they are 36D-24-36!

[68BNUT]

Yes, they are 36D-24-36!

Damn even white boys got to shout!!

[Foudie]

Don't know if anyone has heard this one...

President Bush and **** Cheney go to a little cafe down the street from the white house. The cute little waitress walks over and asks them what they would like for lunch. The Vice President orders a heart healthy turkey wrap. When it is the President's turn he pauses for a second while going over the menu one last time and says, "Well darlin' I think I am in the mood for a quickie." The waitress is shocked and says, " Mr. President I am ashamed of you! I voted for you and thought that you would be different, why, you are no better than the last President who would always hit on me." Well, Bush was bewildered. **** Cheney leaned over, looked at the President's menu and said, "Sir, that is pronounced "quiche".