Just a funny:

[Bob Johnson]

know what you get if you cross a hillbilly and a goat? a weed eater that won't work..

[Bob Johnson]

Know what you get if you cross Arnold Schwarzenegger with a Jew? Conan the wholesale distributor

[Bob Johnson]

difference between a condom and a coffin? both of them have stiffs in them..but one is coming...the other is going..

[Bob Johnson]

Pidgeon Forge police force found a woman slain in her apartment..in a bathtub full of milk with a banana up her as*..They theorize it was a cereal killer..

[Bob Johnson]

Saw The Real riding around with his new girlfriend. She had so much hair under her arm, I thought she had Don King in a head lock

[Bob Johnson]

you know the difference between a woman and a computer? computer will accept a 3 1/2" floppy

[Bob Johnson]

Hillbilly dude goes to apply for a job..Sits down in front of the human resources director..Director asks him to tell about himself. Hillbilly Dude says well I like to go to bed early and get up early. I always like to get to work an hour early where I can prepare for the day and get myself organized before everyone gets to work. I never take breaks, or lunch. I can't stand to get around other employees and bull Shi*. I always like to work late and make sure my work is completely finished and nothing is left over that can be completed today. I never make or receive personal calls. I love responsibility and a heavy workload. I don't want to get bored by not having enough work. The HRD said well let me tell you about the job. It pays $250K per year..There is a full expense account including an all expenses paid penthouse apartment with all utilities furnished and paid for. The company car is a top of the line Mercedes or BMW. The company jets are available for business and personal use. Dude says man you've got to be sh*ting me..HRD said yes I am..but you started it..

I could have sworn that joke I just posted wasn't about no hillbilly..

[Bob Johnson]

do you know what a hurricane and marriage have in common? They both start off with a bunch of sucking and blowing..and then you lose your house......just ask Howell

[Bill Howell]

Funny if it was not so true.....lol

[Bob Johnson]

Lorainne Bobbit had a wreck..Police were taking her statement..She told them some dik cut her off

[Bob Johnson]

Ol Vito was having sex with a epileptic when right in the middle of the act, she had an epileptic fit. He dialed 911. When the operator asked him what the problem was he said I'm not sure .. I was having sex with this girl and I think her cummer stuck.

[Bob Johnson]

Ol Howell was in Pigeon Forge at Dolly World..Ran into this knock out gal with the nicest round butt you ever saw..Ol Suave Bill said..What kind of Jeans are those? She replied Guess..ol bill fires back.. Levi's?

[Bob Johnson]

Ol boy's elbow is hurting him so he goes to the doctor..Doctor asks him if wants a computer physical or one done by the doctor. Guy asks what's the difference. Doc said well the computer physical cost $50.00, and one done by me cost $250.00. Guy says well is the computer accurate? Doc said, we've never caught it in a mistake yet. So guy says I'll do the computer one. Doc asks him to give him a specimen. Pours it into the computer, computer purrs a second or two and spits out a tape..Tape says you've got tennis elbow..Guy says, that isn't right..I've never played tennis in my life. Doc said, the computer doesn't make mistakes, pay the bill. The guy pays, goes home and the more he thinks about it, the madder he gets. He decides he's going to go back and pay another $50.00 and screw with the computer. So he pees in a cup. goes out in the yard and sees a pile of dog crap..he gets a little of it with a stick and stirs it in the cup. he see's a old junk car he has, goes over and pulls out the dip stick and puts some oil in the cup..He goes in the house and see's a tampax in the trash..he dips it in the cup..and for good measure, he spanks his monkey and shoots off in the cup. He goes back to the doc with the cup hidden in his pocket. Tells him he wants a second opinion from the computer. Doc says OK but you're wasting your money. Guy says that's OK I want to see the result. Doc gives him a cup, he walks in the bathroom and pours his cup into Docs cup. Comes out and gives it to Doc who pours it into the computer. The computer purrs, whines, jumps, etc. Doc says man I've never seen this happen before. Finally the computer kicks out a tape. Doc looks at it and said. Well your dog has worms, your car has a blown head gasket, your wife is on the rag, and if you don't stop beating off, you won't ever get rid of that tennis elbow...

[Bob Johnson]

What is the official term for the black guys that drive the Jiffy Johnnie trucks?
Black Lavatory Retrievers

[Bob Johnson]

You know how the Gays got out of Frisco so fast after the earthquake? Already had their shi* packed..

[Bob Johnson]

Ol howell had a couple of gay guys living in one of his houses in Pigeon Forge. They both died of aids and there was no one to handle their affairs. So good ol Bill decided to take care of it. He couldn't get any of the tradition funeral homes to touch them..They wanted nothing to do with aids. So ol Bill decides to see a taxidermist. He discusses it with the taxidermist and the taxidermist asks Bill if he wants them mounted..Bill said no I think holding hands will be sufficient.

[Bob Johnson]

Ol bill keeps changing the names to protect the guilty..I sent him some good ones..they all got nixxed completely..didn't sound right when he threw the poor ol hilly billy under the bus..he's gonna feel bad when bunch of hillbillys start reading this and get pis*ed..oh that's right they can't read.

[toxicz28]

I don't know how many of you shop at Wal-Mart, but this is useful to know.
I am posting this to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
This happened to me at Wal-Mart, and it could happen to you.
Here's how the scam happened:

Two seriously hot 18-year-old girls came over to my car while I was packing up my shopping in the trunk.

They both started wiping down my windshield with a rag and windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It was impossible for me not to look.

When I thanked them and offered them a tip, they say 'No' and instead asked me for a ride to another Wal-Mart. Naturally, I agreed and they climbed into my back seat.

On the way there, they started having sex with each other. And I thought," This is GREAT!" Then one of them climbed over into the front seat and performed oral sex on me while the other one stole my wallet.

I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Friday, also yesterday, and probably again tonight.

[shmoov69]

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into her sexiest nightie and with great anticipation crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent." In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to,and for how long?

[shmoov69]

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown New Orleans sat a huge black
man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously
gay man walked in and sat beside him.



After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to
the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a
blow job?"



At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked
the sh_t out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool.



He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him
bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat.



Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man,
and said, "I've never seen you react like that. What did he say to you?"



"I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job."