Chuck Norris Facts....

[trapin]

Got this in an e-mail today. Enjoy.

------------------------------------------

-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ Beard. There is only another fist.

-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

-Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

-Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice.

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

-Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.

-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds ’til." After you ask, "Two seconds ’til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

-The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.

-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.

-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That’s no glitch."

-Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

-According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

-Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

-When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

-Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

-Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

-Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

-Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

-Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

-When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

-While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

-Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

-When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

-Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

-Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

[speedster]

Too funny Tony...

[Chad-1stGen]

I love these chuck norris jokes.

[vp23271]

Good Laughs !

[trapin]

They're even funnier when you read them in that "movie guy" voice. You know, the guy at the movies who announces the movies? Can't remember his name, he's been doing it for years.

[Project69]

lol

[Randy67]

Here's a web site just for this
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Always brings a smile when I read them

[toxicz28]

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

[MrQuick]

my favorites:
Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago but death doesn't have the nerve to tell him.

They named a street after Chuck Norris but after the 723 person died using the crosswalk they changed it. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

[Chad-1stGen]

ROFL never heard the street one.

What is the difference between Chuck Norris and God?

Trick questions! Chuck Norris is God.

[Steve Firebird]

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil to get his awsome fighting skills. Then he used them to kick the devils @ss and took back his soul. Now they play poker every tuesday night

[Aceshigh]

Chuck Norris slap!!!

[scogin918]

When Tommy Bowden was rumored to leave Clemson for the Arkansas head coaching job, it was rumored that Chuck Norris was going to be the new head coach of the tigers. The only problem was no night games could be scheduled not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Also Chuck Norris has no need for rain gear because Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, water gets Chuck.


And for any of you that have the annoying Kia commercials on the radio, Chuck Norris is so tough, he CAN comment on the factory connection.

[LMDGUY]

HAHAHAHA... there were a few in there we hadnt heard. all the guy in the dept were LOL.

[jilge71]

i think i pee'd alittle...lol

[justanova]

Chuck norris was looking a buying an igloo for a while....he was on a roundhouse kick!!

[ej68bird]

Haha those are great. I don't think i saw this one...

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

[MrQuick]

Chuck Norris slap!!!

BLASPHEMY!!!! May you suffer in Van Damnation....get it Van Damn ... haaaahaaahaaaaa haaa haaaaaa oh never mind. Might be my next avatar! LOL

[Rubes]

I guess he ain't so tuff afterall;
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20071222/...ris_lawsuit_dc

[MrQuick]

so I guess those guys on the Mountain Dew commercials got off easy then.