Old Folk Sayings

[zz3elcamino]

My dad always says "does a bear S*%t in the woods" when you ask him a question that you should already know the answer to



My version of that is, "does howdy doody have wooden balls"

[CarlC]

Youth and enthusiasm will always be defeated by old age and treachery.

The whole nine yards. There's a lot of pucker if the whole nine yards was used based on where the saying came from.

[560-716]

There is two types of snakes, rattle snakes and chicken snakes, if it ain't got a chicken in its mouth kill it, it's a rattle snake.....my great granddad hated snakes can you tell

[BMF Machine]

Want in one hand and Sh$T in the other; and see which one fills up first.(by dad)

His breath could knock a buzzard off of a sh$t waggon!(Franks at SEMA, lolol just kiddin ya Frank!)

Sweatin like a whore on nickle night!(By dad)

GD Swamp ass! (me in this humid weather we have been having for 4 months!)




The eight most destructive words in the english vocabulary"We have never done it that way before?"

The person rowing this boat is too busy to rock it!

I am trying to see it from your perspective, but I am having a lot of trouble getting my head that far up my ass?(I have that one hanging on my toolbox at my dayjob, I hate the place, it has sucked my will to live,lolol)





The great Grandpa that hated snakes is a funny one!

My dad still only yells three words at the sight of a snake; they are, GET MY SHOTGUN! There was a Gardner Snake under my 45,000 dollar HAAS lathe, he said get my shotgun or production is stopping! I calmed him down to a .22 with birdshot! He always says; Only one kind of good snake, and that is a dead one.

OFF TOPIC, there was a young man raising Burmese pythons round here(Lanesville Indiana), 20 or so of them in a barn, a fifteen foot one got rot mouth. It is a disease that throws there senses out of wack and makes them completely 100% agressive. The young man(22 years old) was killed by the python when he went to check on it. Cops would not go near the barn after they saw all them big ugly snakes.
So a few months pass and my friends python got rot mouth, he did not want to kill it, it was his pet. So, he called upon my 63 year old Dear Dad to execute the wicked 12 foot monster.

Dad had NO IDEA how big a 12 foot snake is! At least he brought three 00 buck shot and a sawed off twelve. When Kado let the snake out of the bag, Wow the look on my Dads face was priceless! Run Boys that thing is a GD monster,,BOOOOOMMMMMMM, it ain't safe yet,,, BBBBOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM, still got one bullet and it's still Mov'n,, BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! Awright boys, I think it is safe now? I replied, Why Dad because the snake is Dead, or because you are out of BULLETS?

[560-716]

My wife called one day about 9:00am said there was a black snake in the yard...I said hell its a black snake leave it alone...thinking it would be long gone when I got home....well guess what it was still there and I know you are not suppose to kill a black snake but I am alot like my great granddad....after multiple shots with the following: 9mm - 45 - AK47 - I finally came to my senses and used my shotgun and killed the damn thing.....true story....not proud...but true

[jeffandre]

The one I use is, "When I was your age." About 20% of those already listed were used by my dad, an Army Major. He has a lot of good one's, just can't remember them...

[absintheisfun]

got a few...My Grand parents (Dad's side) were from backwoods Alabama, and were FULL of 'em

Colder than a witches tit on Christmas
Hotter than a chili fart

up shi# creek without a paddle

Queer as a three dollar bill

My mom had one that cracked me up...when she would see an attractive young girl--
"I wish I had her figure, and she had a feather up her butt...then we would both be tickled!"

You can lead culture to a whore, but you can't lead a horticulture (landscapers joke)

Nervous as a whore in church

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs

Happy as a pig in shi#

After smacking your head..."did it knock any sense into you?"

I've got plenty more...but these are about the best one's that I can remember

[69TAPoser]

- Go play in traffic
- Faster than ***** through a goose
- Tighter than a duck's a$$
- When I was your age, I had to walk to school, in the snow, uphill...BOTH ways!

[shmoov69]

*Lets head for the roundhouse, they can't corner us there!
*Shoot low, their ridin' shetlands
*If I were any happier, I would have to pay taxes twice
*If I were any happier, I would have to sit on my hands to keep from waving at people
*If I were any happier, I would be twins
*If I were any happier, I would have to take a downer
*If I were any happier, I would have to shoot myself in the foot
*I'd be on that like a bad haricut
*I'd be on that like a chicken on a junebug
*I'd be on that like white on rice

Not mine but,
*Madder than a mongoliod putting on a turtleneck

[Restomod]

"If your gonna be dumb you gotta be tough and Im one tough sum beach"

BTW I have heard that the " Whole nine yards" saying came from WW2 B-17 gunners. The belts of 50 BMG ammo were 9 yards long hence " I gave em the whole nine yards".

[Kenova]

Slipperier than snot on a door knob.
Sticks like s**t on a wool blanket.
Take a long walk on a short peer.
Walk east/west 'till your hat floats.
As useless as a screen door on a submarine.
Hornier than a three peckered tree toad in a virgin forest.
The real McCoy. (has something to do with oiling cups)

Ken

[2yellow69]

Slicker than owl ***** on a hickory stick.

Heard that from an old Texan who pulled our work truck out of a mud hole up in the mountains.

[protour_chevelle]

sweatin like an indian writing a bad check.

sweatin like a ***get at a wiener roast.

thats more queer then 2 guys ****in and a 3rd watching.

sorry they're rude.

[jeffandre]

got a few...My Grand parents (Dad's side) were from backwoods Alabama, and were FULL of 'em

Colder than a witches tit on Christmas
Hotter than a chili fart

up shi# creek without a paddle

Queer as a three dollar bill

My mom had one that cracked me up...when she would see an attractive young girl--
"I wish I had her figure, and she had a feather up her butt...then we would both be tickled!"

You can lead culture to a whore, but you can't lead a horticulture (landscapers joke)

Nervous as a whore in church

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs

Happy as a pig in shi#

After smacking your head..."did it knock any sense into you?"

I've got plenty more...but these are about the best one's that I can remember

I have lived through each of these. My dad was born in Texas, and his parents were from Oklahoma! I wish I could remember them all...

[qwik1320]

A few from my dad...

"That'll work like screen doors on a submarine"
"Rain makes you look good, and you could use a few storms"
"When I nod my head you hit it"

[Jim Nilsen]

Here is a new one I came up with when training a person at work, they always kept forgetting and I had to retrain them. So I would tell them,
"just remember one thing before you go home"
they always say ,
"what's that"
and it started out by saying ,"what I taught you". That not being so nice and not real funny I changed it to,
"how to get there".
Now I have a saying that works on New Years or any other time people have been drinking or just plain acting dumb.

Goes along with,
"you don't have to go home but you can't stay here"

Then there's
" When this van's a rockin don't come a nockin"

" Make love not war"

[Bill Howell]

My first boss said this one day and it stuck, now when I see a company/person doing something that in no way can be good for business or customers, I always repeat it......
"Thats one hell of a way to run a railroad."

[BonzoHansen]

My old boss used to like to "go see a man about a horse"....

[Bill Howell]

My old boss used to like to "go see a man about a horse"....

Horse? I always heard DOG.

[Mike Holleman]

One I heard about something that is not gonna sit real well was " that'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter."