Off Duty
06-26-2011, 07:53 AM
I just got word last night, that my natural mother has cancer:(
We're not sure yet what type, stage or much else, but should have more info on Monday evening.
She's in Douglas, Ga., and I'm in Tampa!
I can't be there to look after her and help her like I want/should, and her husband, an advanced early stage Alzheimers patient, is not going to be much help I'm afraid.
The story behind the "natural" part:
I was adopted at birth.
Mom was too young, but chose to go through with the birth instead of the alternatives.
She is my adopted dad's niece, so throughout the pregnancy, she stayed with he and my adopted mom.
My "adopted" mom could not have children after a previous miscarriage and was more than willing to help out.
They were the only parent's I've ever known.
They raised me, cared for me, taught me right from wrong, sacrificed for me, and will always be "my parents" regardless.
At the hospital all of the paperwork (at the time you could get away with this) reflected a "natural birth" to my adopted parents.
I was in my early/mid 20's before I ever found out otherwise.
It was after I lost my "mom" to cancer and heart disease (R.I.P. Mom), and my aunt who couldn't keep a secret if her lips were sewn shut, let it slip to my wife.
It was at that point that it all became crystal clear.
Why the relatives always made and appearance around my birthday and the holidays.
Why this one "cousin" kept closer tabs on me than the others.
Even then, after finding out I made no real effort to make contact with my "birth mother."
I was selfish!
I always felt as though, if she'd wanted me to know, she'd have said something!
Besides, it would have hurt my adopted dad to know that I knew, and I refused to allow that to happen!
She even made a suggestion to my wife once that she was going to tell my dad that I knew.
Believe me, I made it specifically clear what I'd do if she tried!
I/we kept it to ourselves until he passed at 93.
For the last 6 + years, he lived with us and still, he never knew we knew.
R.I.P. dad. You were the best!
After his passing, I made contact with "mom" and we talked, but no other contact. Even that was sporadic.
We've continued the dialogue and have actually made a couple trips up to Douglas, Ga. to see her and introduce her to her great grand baby, something she never thought she's see.
She recently came to Florida.
She's always wanted to go to Sea World, so I took the day off, bought the tickets, and took everyone to See Shamu.:)
As luck would have it, that day they were paying some sort of tribute to all veterans, and asked everyone who had served, to please stand.
I can't tell you the look on her face. The pride I saw in her eyes.
Combined with the audience's response, some "thank you's and pat's on the shoulder from total strangers sitting around us, it was all I could do to hold it together.
That simple day, seemed to be the highlight of an otherwise mundane existence, and I realized I needed to do more.
When we sent them off the next day, I hugged her, called her "mom" and told her I loved her.
I told her that I understood, and thanked her for giving me the life I was blessed with.
We've talked more in the last few months, than we have in 55 years.
Now, I find out this and frankly, I'm pissed!
I know I don't have the "right" but it doesn't stop the feelings.
And I apologize for the length of this post.
I'm just venting, trying to deal with this and well, asking for your thoughts and prayers for my mom.
As I said, I can't get up there to stay with her and see about her as I could if she were here in Tampa.
I'm waiting to find out more, and will update as I know.
I've been thinking about Moffitt here in Tampa.
we've got a full house with the grand living on board, but I can try to make room for her and her husband, here or maybe put her up in one of the nearby hotels.
Moffitt is a great cancer institute, and maybe they can help?
Right now, my mind is racing.
I just needed to vent, then slow down, wait until we know more and approach it with a plan.
Just like we handled high risk assignments.
That's much easier said than done when it's personal.
Please understand, that I'm not one to cover the internet with a lot of personal drama.
Until now, only a few close friends and family members know "the rest of the story."
I've laid it on the line here, simply because of the quality of the people I've ran into, interacted with and observed here.
You guys and gals seem to go out of your way to help even total strangers.
You are all true top flight folks!
This will appear on a couple other sites for the same reason, friends and quality people.
My personal muscle car website, a landcruiser site I've been on for years, and pro-Nasty Z28, again due to the quality people and relationships I've built on each of those sites.
I know I'm a relative newbie here, but you folks have seemed to accept me for better or worse, as my preacher says' "warts and all", which gave me the comfort level needed to share this story and ask for your support.
So if you don't mind, your thoughts and prayers for my mom in Ga. would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Gordon
We're not sure yet what type, stage or much else, but should have more info on Monday evening.
She's in Douglas, Ga., and I'm in Tampa!
I can't be there to look after her and help her like I want/should, and her husband, an advanced early stage Alzheimers patient, is not going to be much help I'm afraid.
The story behind the "natural" part:
I was adopted at birth.
Mom was too young, but chose to go through with the birth instead of the alternatives.
She is my adopted dad's niece, so throughout the pregnancy, she stayed with he and my adopted mom.
My "adopted" mom could not have children after a previous miscarriage and was more than willing to help out.
They were the only parent's I've ever known.
They raised me, cared for me, taught me right from wrong, sacrificed for me, and will always be "my parents" regardless.
At the hospital all of the paperwork (at the time you could get away with this) reflected a "natural birth" to my adopted parents.
I was in my early/mid 20's before I ever found out otherwise.
It was after I lost my "mom" to cancer and heart disease (R.I.P. Mom), and my aunt who couldn't keep a secret if her lips were sewn shut, let it slip to my wife.
It was at that point that it all became crystal clear.
Why the relatives always made and appearance around my birthday and the holidays.
Why this one "cousin" kept closer tabs on me than the others.
Even then, after finding out I made no real effort to make contact with my "birth mother."
I was selfish!
I always felt as though, if she'd wanted me to know, she'd have said something!
Besides, it would have hurt my adopted dad to know that I knew, and I refused to allow that to happen!
She even made a suggestion to my wife once that she was going to tell my dad that I knew.
Believe me, I made it specifically clear what I'd do if she tried!
I/we kept it to ourselves until he passed at 93.
For the last 6 + years, he lived with us and still, he never knew we knew.
R.I.P. dad. You were the best!
After his passing, I made contact with "mom" and we talked, but no other contact. Even that was sporadic.
We've continued the dialogue and have actually made a couple trips up to Douglas, Ga. to see her and introduce her to her great grand baby, something she never thought she's see.
She recently came to Florida.
She's always wanted to go to Sea World, so I took the day off, bought the tickets, and took everyone to See Shamu.:)
As luck would have it, that day they were paying some sort of tribute to all veterans, and asked everyone who had served, to please stand.
I can't tell you the look on her face. The pride I saw in her eyes.
Combined with the audience's response, some "thank you's and pat's on the shoulder from total strangers sitting around us, it was all I could do to hold it together.
That simple day, seemed to be the highlight of an otherwise mundane existence, and I realized I needed to do more.
When we sent them off the next day, I hugged her, called her "mom" and told her I loved her.
I told her that I understood, and thanked her for giving me the life I was blessed with.
We've talked more in the last few months, than we have in 55 years.
Now, I find out this and frankly, I'm pissed!
I know I don't have the "right" but it doesn't stop the feelings.
And I apologize for the length of this post.
I'm just venting, trying to deal with this and well, asking for your thoughts and prayers for my mom.
As I said, I can't get up there to stay with her and see about her as I could if she were here in Tampa.
I'm waiting to find out more, and will update as I know.
I've been thinking about Moffitt here in Tampa.
we've got a full house with the grand living on board, but I can try to make room for her and her husband, here or maybe put her up in one of the nearby hotels.
Moffitt is a great cancer institute, and maybe they can help?
Right now, my mind is racing.
I just needed to vent, then slow down, wait until we know more and approach it with a plan.
Just like we handled high risk assignments.
That's much easier said than done when it's personal.
Please understand, that I'm not one to cover the internet with a lot of personal drama.
Until now, only a few close friends and family members know "the rest of the story."
I've laid it on the line here, simply because of the quality of the people I've ran into, interacted with and observed here.
You guys and gals seem to go out of your way to help even total strangers.
You are all true top flight folks!
This will appear on a couple other sites for the same reason, friends and quality people.
My personal muscle car website, a landcruiser site I've been on for years, and pro-Nasty Z28, again due to the quality people and relationships I've built on each of those sites.
I know I'm a relative newbie here, but you folks have seemed to accept me for better or worse, as my preacher says' "warts and all", which gave me the comfort level needed to share this story and ask for your support.
So if you don't mind, your thoughts and prayers for my mom in Ga. would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Gordon