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    1. #41
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      Dec 2008
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      Give her room and it will work out...as already mentioned dont be clingy...her kid will ALWAYS come before you!!!

      "Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please"


    2. #42
      Join Date
      Aug 2004
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      Alabama
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      299
      Is this what passes for a "relationship" these days?

      Stop the train wreck!!

      Some others danced around the truth, but what the hell, you asked for it, I'll tell you.

      You need to grow the hell up. You are twenty five, have no car, are an alcoholic, have a crappy job and you live with your parents. You are a mighty fine catch I'd say.

      You have been dating a girl for a couple of months and expect her to say she loves you more than her son, you must be delusional.

      Straighten your life out, go for an equally straightened out girl, and you will find happiness. I promise it.

    3. #43
      Join Date
      Dec 2010
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      169
      Quote Originally Posted by barraza View Post
      Is this what passes for a "relationship" these days?

      Stop the train wreck!!

      Some others danced around the truth, but what the hell, you asked for it, I'll tell you.

      You need to grow the hell up. You are twenty five, have no car, are an alcoholic, have a crappy job and you live with your parents. You are a mighty fine catch I'd say.

      You have been dating a girl for a couple of months and expect her to say she loves you more than her son, you must be delusional.

      Straighten your life out, go for an equally straightened out girl, and you will find happiness. I promise it.
      Well said!

    4. #44
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      Belle Plaine, MN
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      You need to prove to yourself that you're capable of living independently before you take on dependents.

      Focus on your career. Get your own place. Learn to be self sufficient.

      Once you can take care of yourself, you can consider taking care of others.

      It's not easy. It's hard. That's why so many guys suck at it.
      Scott Parkhurst


      2011 Car Craft Real Street Eliminator Winner

    5. #45
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      Dec 2006
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      California
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      Quote Originally Posted by Cruiser View Post
      Sounds like she has her panties on right and ran after you said that stupid immature crap......it's almost unbelievable anyone would admit saying something so stupid. If she hung around I would seriously think twice about how good of mother she actually is. She has kid and you knew it and then all of the sudden he is your competition for her time and affection that is just seriously f'ed up and tells me that your an emotional insecure boy...yes boy because a man would not but himself in front of kid asking for his mothers affection and attention first and expecting the mother to pick you over her son. You also pointed that in your post that you could really give a crap about the kid when you called him an "IT" as in "its" at her in laws house. You really need to step back and evaluate just how secure you are with yourself before getting involved with another person and god forbid they have a kid or kids.
      I'm sorry, I thought chicks like the whole honesty thing. She asked me a question, and I gave her an honest answer. And once again, I don't want her to love me more than him, it's just the little things. Like when she comes home I'll just get a "hi" or a nod and then she basically showers him with presents and hugs and stuff. I get that kids need that attention, but hell, it'd be nice to just get a hug or something. I mean I can understand if we'd been married for a few years and had another kid or something, but we'd only been going out for a couple months and it's like she already stopped caring. If that makes me emotionally insecure, then fine, I guess I am. And not once did I refer to him as "it". I went back and read the post you quoted, and you're misunderstanding what I was referring to. When I said this:

      Probably sounds bad since she has a 3 year old, but it's at her sister's house, so her sister, her sister's husband, and her nephew are there to keep us under control (not that we ever get rowdy drunk or anything) and to entertain her son while we're outside smoking cigarettes or whatever.
      I wasn't referring to him when I said "it's at her sister's house". I was referring to the situation. When we drink, we drink at her sister's house, so we don't drink in front of him, and he's never alone because her sister, her sister's husband and her nephew are all there to watch him during the 5 minutes that we're outside smoking.

      Quote Originally Posted by Cruiser
      As a father of 4 wonderful children and soon to be grandfather I am so glad I was the azzhole father that chased away boys that that acted like like you away from my daughters. They did not have kids but it was an easy tell that all they wanted was attention and sex and could give a crap about anything else...... Yea it hurt them but they have both said they are so thankful now!! You need to grow up....hopefully you can do that!!

      When it comes to actual real world responsibility like being a father or a step father I really hope you can snap out of it and become a man....we all know there are enough pieces of crap out there raising kids.....please grow up and don't be one of turds!!!!! It ake so much more than just including a kid in fixing things and the occasional attention when your around....it takes love, heart, affection and you thinking he is number one also. One day you might get it....the boy deserves it!!
      K, ask any of my friends and they'll tell you I'm a moral, loyal good guy. Even the friends that Sara introduced me to before we started dating have said I'm the best guy she's ever gone out with and it's clear that I love her and her son a lot. That's why I'm trying to make it work, because clearly he likes me and I don't want to be another ******* that was with her and formed a relationship with her son and then leaves. I also don't want to be one of those couples that only stays together for the kids, but I'm still trying.

      Quote Originally Posted by barraza View Post
      Is this what passes for a "relationship" these days?

      Stop the train wreck!!

      Some others danced around the truth, but what the hell, you asked for it, I'll tell you.

      You need to grow the hell up. You are twenty five, have no car, are an alcoholic, have a crappy job and you live with your parents. You are a mighty fine catch I'd say.

      You have been dating a girl for a couple of months and expect her to say she loves you more than her son, you must be delusional.

      Straighten your life out, go for an equally straightened out girl, and you will find happiness. I promise it.
      Sorry if it's not a picture perfect "relationship" like I Love Lucy or Happy Days.

      I know I need to grow up. I know I use being in SoCal as an excuse for why I don't have a good job, and I know I need my own place. Like I told Cruiser, though, ask anyone that's met me and they'll tell you I'm a standup guy and I DO care for her and her kid. And again, like I told Cruiser, I don't want her to say she loves me more than her son, I'd just like a little more...appreciation I guess?
      Matt

      69 Nova - 357, TKO600, Tru Turn, some other stuff, awaiting LS1 swap
      71 Duster - all stock, slant 6, automatic. awaiting HEMI/T56 swap

    6. #46
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      Feb 2010
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      Mooresville IN
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      Dude, if its meant to be it will be, if not then you wont be happy even if you stay with her.

      I met my wife when I was 17, she got pregnant, and I was immature so she left me. I moved to my dads in Texas a few months before my daughter was born and continued to be a bum for 2 years, I moved back home to my moms when i was 20. I lived there for a few months and wouldn't get a job. My step dad got tired of it and kicked me out. With nowhere to live and no money I finally got a job and started growing up. I have been at that job for 7 years.

      About a year after I moved home my sister helped me to be able to see my daughter. After some time my now wife and I started talking more and more and got back together. She is the greatest women I have ever been with and am happier than I ever thought I would be. But she had to let me go so that she could do what was best for her and my daughter at the time.

      She had a son while we were apart and though he isn't technically mine, he is mine, as his real father isn't around.
      This is just my opinion, I don't know, nor wanna know how her mind works, but, as far as you wanting more appreciation, maybe she has given as much as she can, you watching her kid while she is working and going to school is only going to get you so far.
      My wife goes to school, but I wont let her work until the youngest starts 1st grade, and she can be gone during the day, until then she is needed at home with the kids, if we need money I pick up extra work. I do watch the kids while she is in class, and let me tell you, I don't know how she does it, they can drive me crazy. Maybe if you were to step up and be a man, she might take you more seriously and give you more appreciation.

      I hope it works out for you and you can find your own happiness, but only you can decide if your happy or not. and if shes not happy, its just going to bring you down.

    7. #47
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      Apr 2009
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      337
      Wow, a lot going on here. Extremely good posts by this community. This is long winded,but I'm 28 and know how your feeling and where your at in life. My comments/advice is based of the totality if the info you've volunteered, which I've followed myself, and will definitely mirror what has already been said. If I could have told myself these points when I was 24, when I was in a similar emotional and behavioral boat as you, I could have gotten a several year head-start on the path I'm on now. Don't mistake this for preaching or telling "you" what you should do from a ivory tower...just sharing what I learned myself. If you feel it's too personal and I'm out of bounds, sorry...that's the internet for you.


      1. she has DEEP seeded issues from not one, but three fronts. Counseling/therapy type issues. Couple that with being a single mother, in school, and working, and she will be hard pressed for the time to sort those out on her own time...let alone while she's in a relationship. The going through the phone and insecurity driven questions would have gotten progressively worse. She's not right for ANYONE right now. She might get in relationships, but they will assuredly not be healthy ones.

      2. With females in general, don't go begging. The fellas had that dead on. There are so many other women out there it's mind boggling. And if your feelings are that strong for her, cut all contact. Since my high-school sweetheart and I ended a 5 year relationship in 2006 (we lived together for two years, I stayed after finding multiple instances of infidelity), I decided to hence forth drop the hammer within hours of every conclusionary argument/break-up/talk. Delete the number, remove them from Facebook, remove the pics from the social media (and stow away in a folder), don't call or text, and wipe the state clean. On again Off again might make for good sex, but it will be an endless cycle of chaos and stress. Trust your intuition completely, you don't need proof or owe anyone an explanation if you have bona-fied suspicions. To do otherwise, even if you ended up getting back together, would cause you some self-anger/hate down the road for cutting off your own balls...especially if she was at fault for the break-up. Self Respect has lost it's meaning from getting thrown around so much, but it is paramount to fully loving oneself, being confident, and an all around well adjusted human being.

      3. Seems like you have some things to work out on your own, and believe me when I say, I completely understand how hard it is to break certain cycles when your heart is mourning and hopelessness sets in, not to mention, how it's almost guaranteed you'll fall back in to recently curbed behaviors that were only curbed for the significant other in the first place. That's why it's so important to be single when you're truly trying to self improve...why you have to do it for yourself and yourself alone. whether eating healthy, working out, stopping the Camels, or cutting back on the booze a bit. It rarely sticks if someone else is the motivating factor.

      4. You should be single my friend, and you have to break your own cycle. You're also not right for anyone right now, especially one with the added complication of a child..they'd just be there to distract you from your personal unhappiness...someone to latch on to (went through this too). You have got to get your own life rolling. You will be in the same spot 5 years from now if you keep waiting for a career epiphany to strike. Pick something that requires a two year A.S., certification, or pretty much anything that is a growing field in your region (or the region you want to relocate to), that you won't completely loathe, and GO GET IT. You'll be making a self sustaining wage, that will allow you complete independence, while you further explore what you want to do with the REST of your life. If your not gonna be working your dream job anyway (whether at Taco bell or as a sonographer), isn't it better to be not working it while making $16.00+ an hour Vs. $8.00....you still won't be completely fulfilled five years down the road, but you'll sure as hell be in a more flexible spot to change directions. Your criminal record is an anchor, not a death sentence. You said you live in California, I presume the DUI's were there too. If the legally sufficient time has passed for expungement...do it NOW man! You are lucky enough to live in a state where that is an option. No judgment here boss, I was fortunate enough to escape a rather self destructive point in my life without a record. Same behavior, only difference you got pinched before you could snap out of it, and I didn't.

      This next part is incredibly important, and I fully credit it with helping me keep my emotions and thoughts on the right track. You have to self motivate. When you start thinking about your life and how "You're not where you should be", and all the depressing realizations starting flooding in at once and self-amplifying up to 11. You have to stop yourself, state the positives, and do it till the negativity shakes: You have an incredible opportunity to attend/focus on school by living with your parents, You aren't bankrupt, You aren't in a loveless marriage, You aren't upside down in a house, You aren't divorced (alimony, child support, kids), you don't have a debilitating handicap or illness, you aren't homeless, you aren't hungry, you have people in your life that care about you, and you live in one of the most amazing, safe, and opportunity filled countries on earth. Stay at home and go to school....there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with living at home while attending school, Living at home + school = non issue with the ladies and society as a whole.

      At this very second....your life (and everyone else's) has an infinite number of paths and ultimate conclusions. Good and bad. Half of which will be attained by simple cause and effect reactive choices while drifting through life, and half are from proactive, guided, & tenacious actions you make. In the end, if you make it into those final decades we all picture ourselves getting to, you're only left with the reflection of your life. Either a sense of regret or a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. You're at the beginning of that spectrum, but it, like the middle & end will morph into one another so gradually it's almost diabolical. Like I said, not preaching, just wanted to share my take on the situation as a whole.
      You can't be slick to a can of oil

    8. #48
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      Quote Originally Posted by Ash View Post
      ..... and self-amplifying up to 11.



      Why not just make 10 louder?
      Johnny C.
      -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      70 'cuda, Pro-Charged 408 stroker, Tremec 5 speed, Strange S-60, Alter-k-tion, Tri 4, Hydroboost and Wilwoods

    9. #49
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      Not sure anything I say will have any sort of bearing but here it is. A lot of what has been said I agree with. My focus here is on the both of your issues. Before you mentioned what your childhood was like your words showed it. The way you live says I've got baggage, same with her. My wife of 16 years grew up with an abusive dad in every way imaginable. Her dad was also the perfectionist and her mom was a rescuer. eventually they got divorced after 3 times being separated. Lots of counseling, studying, and prayer helped my wife "get over it" by her early 20's. I on the other hand grew up in a home with a passive dad and an overly critical mom. Both of them were rescuers to a degree, my mom the worst, and she is also codependent. They divorced when I was 17. I have character traits of both my parents, and most are goofy. I have one older sister. Basically we both have great lives, but I can see where she's a bit tweaked too. My wife has 4 brothers and 4 sisters. All of the boys got into drugs and alcohol. 3 of them got girls pregnant out of wedlock. One of the 3 has out of wedlock kids from 3 different girls he had dated and has turned out to be a walking example of white trash. We love him a lot but he's a mess. 3 of her sisters are married and see that things aren't right and are trying to fix it. Her youngest sister got pregnant at 17, and now her 3 year old is a burden to her lifestyle and she's talked about dumping her daughter on my dysfunctional mother in law. Yeah, there's another generation train wreck in the making too.

      All 4 of our parents grew up in homes that were even more dysfunctional than ours. There's no generic guide book to adulthood or parenting, so it's no wonder many folks think their parents were messed up. Chances are their parents think their parents were messed up too, and so on and so on. The good thing is that many of us grew up with dysfunction, so we don't have to feel like we're the only ones that have been or are screwed up. My point here is dysfunction has a tendency to get passed on generation after generation until someone is strong enough and smart enough to break the cycle. Really it's a matter of realizing that some things aren't right, being humble enough to admit it and trying to find out how to fix it.

      You've both got issues, again many of us do. If you don't face them and get over it they'll always be the little devil on your shoulder. There's no shame in trying to better yourselves, so doing research, finding a professional to help work things out first for yourself and then as a couple if you stay together, finding "normal" married friends and ask them about their relationships, etc. will only make life better for you. BTW, getting drunk over, yelling and fighting with, and complaining about their spouses all the time doesn't count as "normal" married friends, stay away from those folks when looking for advice.

      A couple years ago an older woman friend of my wife's gave us a book about parenting. It pretty much said you can't "fix" your kids until you fix yourselves. That book has been a huge blessing to our lives and our family. I thought I had my stuff pretty well together, but the guy that wrote the book nailed me flat on the issues I still harbor from my childhood. He nailed my parents too. At first it was a little hard to swallow, hearing someone else describe who I really am but you can't run from the truth forever. Once I could see what was goofy, it was that much easier to understand what I've been through and what I need to do to make life better, to break the chains so to speak. It has worked as I've made some course corrections and things get better all the time. At 42 I finally feel like I'm starting to grow up into an adult in my relationship with my family and in my responsibilities. I claim the right to still act like a teenager when I play though. ;)

      I'm not pointing fingers and I don't really know you at all except for a few sentences I've read here. I admit I could be totally wrong about both of you. So, now it's up to you. Go find a quiet place and do some serious thinking and self evaluation. Either things are great and you continue as things are now, or life has just opened a door for you to go to the next level in your own personal life progression. Only you can know what the next step is, good luck.
      -Ben, Your friendly neighborhood Rendering dude

      SRD on Facebook

      79 Cutlass wagon build


    10. #50
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      "... ... ...These go to 11" (Good catch sir
      You can't be slick to a can of oil

    11. #51
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      Jun 2007
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      Dude...if you think you know what drama is, marry her. Then and only then can you ask how married people do it! It is work, I know because i have been married 16 years and only once.

      Ever notice the things in life everyone jokes about are because they are true but nobody has the balls to say them, unless they are kidding? If you want to spent the rest of your life dealing with 10x this marry her.

      The 3 rings of marriage...the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering!

      The 3 stages of sex during marriage...

      1. You do it all the time and everywhere.

      2. You do it only on special occasions.

      3. You give each other the finger as you pass in the hallway.

      Now, add in some baggage and prior abuse and you have yourself some drama!
      Tim Tracy
      68 Camaro 496 / T56 - Never Finished
      68 Camaro Real Z/28 - Under Restoration
      67 Camaro Project - Never going to have time

    12. #52
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      Oct 2008
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      Kingsland, GA
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      You can skip all the sage advice from the salty dogs here. You can ignore the guy that married his high-school sweetheart 40 years ago and are about to celebrate their 41st anniversary. You can ignore the guy on his 4th marriage. You can ignore the eternal bachelor, and Mr Forever-alone. God knows there is at least one of each of these archetypes here.

      You made a GIANT mistake when you thought you were on equal footing with her child. You made an EVEN BIGGER mistake when you told her you thought she loved her son more than you. She severed the relationship, and rightly so. You will forever be competing with her son for the "love". Stay friendly, get a new girl. I hear cougar life dot com is great, from all my friends still in the military.

    13. #53
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      Aug 2004
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      Alabama
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      Quote Originally Posted by DarkoNova View Post


      Sorry if it's not a picture perfect "relationship" like I Love Lucy or Happy Days.
      The thing you need to remember is that you CAN have a picture perfect relationship. But to do so, you have to leave behind your childish ways. Fix your life, and good things will follow.

      No one has mentioned faith, and I don't want to push it, but the example of a faith based life can be a good one to follow even if you don't believe in a particular religion. If that isn't appealing, even in ancient times, philosophers understood that having a good life doesn't just "happen"

      " We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit" - Aristotle

      or "He that lays down with dogs shall rise up with fleas"

      Step back a moment, and you may see that she is the one trying to better herself, and she may be thinking that shedding you is the proper way forward.
      Step up your game and she might see how good you can be, and come back. If she doesn't, she wasn't worth the effort, but you will be better off moving ahead.

    14. #54
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      Quote Originally Posted by DarkoNova View Post
      I'm sorry, I thought chicks like the whole honesty thing. She asked me a question, and I gave her an honest answer. And once again, I don't want her to love me more than him, it's just the little things. Like when she comes home I'll just get a "hi" or a nod and then she basically showers him with presents and hugs and stuff. I get that kids need that attention, but hell, it'd be nice to just get a hug or something.

      Sorry if it's not a picture perfect "relationship" like I Love Lucy or Happy Days.

      I know I need to grow up. And again, like I told Cruiser, I don't want her to say she loves me more than her son, I'd just like a little more...appreciation I guess?
      Appreciation for what? Coming over to babysit now an then? Enjoying a bottle and some smokes with her? The sex? Screwing a light bulb and letting the boy help?

      Step away from the self medicating kool-Aid your drinking. So if all your buddies think your stand up guy and the best catch then you might need to consider dating one of them. It's been said here multiple times already and that is you need to get your life in order first and then find someone to share your success with. When your educated, working, able to support your self and doing right by you and only you then reach out for companionship and your life mate. You may not choose a formal education and that's fine. Me....I served my country in the USMC and it brought self respect, discipline, integrity and tenacity (never give up) to everything I do. It also showed me to be humble accept my mistakes learn from them and do better next time and to always ask for help if I am failing. I am not just one person and others will help you if reach out to them respectfully.

      You my friend need to find your direction, make that your first goal...to figure out where your going to go in life and then set that direction in motion. Reward your self along the way. As for girl friends just be on the watchful side of where they are headed in life. And for your own sake, the girls and possibility of having an unexpected kid remember this little tid bit...."Wrap it or slap it".....in other words while getting your life together don't derail it and someone elses by having careless unprotected sex. We live in world were that should be common knowledge but just look around obviously it is not IE girl your currently having issues with.

      You are young, you can change things, that has already been talked about. You really need to move on and use this experience as the cataylist you used to change your life. Your not going to change things in few months, it's going to take a year or two at least and then you have to be living your chosen path so it's part of you.

      An yes your correct the chicks do like the honesty thing....but come on you and I both know the honesty thing is about honestly, being truthful and accepting of things maybe not so perfect. It's not a plea for appreciation and acceptance.

      You should take away from all that have posted here one thing.....Go get yourself in order first. honestly your young and it's not going to be as hard now as it will be in later years or if you have a wife/girlfriend and kid/kids.

      Good luck....I hope you roll with it!!
      "If you can leave black marks on a straight from the time you exit a corner till the time you brake for the next turn.......
      Then, you have enough horsepower."
      -Mark Donahue

    15. #55
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      Dude, you gotta stop
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      Donny

      Support your local hot rod shop!

    16. #56
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      I can't read all the advice to find out if anyone said 1. throw your friggin phone away, 2. don't be out drinking and smoking while somebody else is taking care of her kid. If you love you don't have to do either. Family is more important than you or her. Both of you need to do some growing up before you either one of you is in a permanent relationship (see number 1). And 3. broads don't like to be called "chicks."
      Good luck.
      ____________________________________________
      Scott

    17. #57
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      wow. stop asking internet forums for relationship advice.

    18. #58
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      Wow, this is really good.

      Quote Originally Posted by Iamtheonlyreal1 View Post
      It always seems worse in the moment than it really is. Here is a bit of advice to live by... If a relationship has to be Made, it isnt a real relationship. There is always comprimise, but comprimise shouldnt be an issue.. If comprimise is ever an issue that festers, there is a good chance resentment will kick in later, and destroy everything you thought you had. We lie to ourselves, and say that we can get over something that we really dont want to, and it always comes back later.. If we were a bit more honest with ourselves, and understood what we really wanted, we would probably not waste as much time with the wrong person.. I dont think there is a person in here that can honestly say, they made the right decision the first time. ha ha

      As far as her loving her child more, you will Never win that battle, and you Shouldnt win that battle. Once the child is born, the child should always be the first concern. I would agree that the child should not be spoiled, and that there should be times that the child is not the focus, but that is generally after a set bed time.

      Here is one of the key things that I have learned over the years.. Do not be the Wimp. Do not cry, or get too distressed over the potential loss of a woman.. There is nothing that will change a womans view of the Man she had, when he begging for her to come back. It is very demasculating, and it is something that you could never rebound from in her eyes.

      We have all had relationships that we didnt want to fail, but it is beyond our control. A true relationship is based off of Pure Respesct and Honesty, and if you dont have that foundation, you have nothing to start with.. Too many people try to make things work, because they are afraid to move on and start over, but you are just prolonging the inevitible.. We have all had the times when we thought we wouldnt find anyone else or any better relationship, but we do, and often wonder what we were thinking before.. LOL

      Here is another thing to think about.. There is someone for everyone, and you will know them when you meet them. But lifes decisions, whether it be marriage to someone else or a totally different life direction, will dictate whether or not anything could ever come of it. Just because they were right for you in the past, doesnt mean the person they have become, will be right for you. People change through their life experiences and choices, and the affects of these choices and experiences affect how they deal with the people they are in a relationship with. Unless you meet someone that has the exact same direction and goals as you, you need to find someone who hasnt already made their Life Path, because you will never fit into a predetermined path. People need to grow together, because if they are not growing together, it only turns into upcoming resentment and disgust.. In order to love someone, you must love and respect the Absolute Worst of them. You may not understand why they do what they do, but you must respect them enough to embrace the deficiencies.

    19. #59
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      Quote Originally Posted by Ash View Post
      Wow, a lot going on here. Extremely good posts by this community. This is long winded,but I'm 28 and know how your feeling and where your at in life. My comments/advice is based of the totality if the info you've volunteered, which I've followed myself, and will definitely mirror what has already been said. If I could have told myself these points when I was 24, when I was in a similar emotional and behavioral boat as you, I could have gotten a several year head-start on the path I'm on now. Don't mistake this for preaching or telling "you" what you should do from a ivory tower...just sharing what I learned myself. If you feel it's too personal and I'm out of bounds, sorry...that's the internet for you.


      1. she has DEEP seeded issues from not one, but three fronts. Counseling/therapy type issues. Couple that with being a single mother, in school, and working, and she will be hard pressed for the time to sort those out on her own time...let alone while she's in a relationship. The going through the phone and insecurity driven questions would have gotten progressively worse. She's not right for ANYONE right now. She might get in relationships, but they will assuredly not be healthy ones.

      2. With females in general, don't go begging. The fellas had that dead on. There are so many other women out there it's mind boggling. And if your feelings are that strong for her, cut all contact. Since my high-school sweetheart and I ended a 5 year relationship in 2006 (we lived together for two years, I stayed after finding multiple instances of infidelity), I decided to hence forth drop the hammer within hours of every conclusionary argument/break-up/talk. Delete the number, remove them from Facebook, remove the pics from the social media (and stow away in a folder), don't call or text, and wipe the state clean. On again Off again might make for good sex, but it will be an endless cycle of chaos and stress. Trust your intuition completely, you don't need proof or owe anyone an explanation if you have bona-fied suspicions. To do otherwise, even if you ended up getting back together, would cause you some self-anger/hate down the road for cutting off your own balls...especially if she was at fault for the break-up. Self Respect has lost it's meaning from getting thrown around so much, but it is paramount to fully loving oneself, being confident, and an all around well adjusted human being.

      3. Seems like you have some things to work out on your own, and believe me when I say, I completely understand how hard it is to break certain cycles when your heart is mourning and hopelessness sets in, not to mention, how it's almost guaranteed you'll fall back in to recently curbed behaviors that were only curbed for the significant other in the first place. That's why it's so important to be single when you're truly trying to self improve...why you have to do it for yourself and yourself alone. whether eating healthy, working out, stopping the Camels, or cutting back on the booze a bit. It rarely sticks if someone else is the motivating factor.

      4. You should be single my friend, and you have to break your own cycle. You're also not right for anyone right now, especially one with the added complication of a child..they'd just be there to distract you from your personal unhappiness...someone to latch on to (went through this too). You have got to get your own life rolling. You will be in the same spot 5 years from now if you keep waiting for a career epiphany to strike. Pick something that requires a two year A.S., certification, or pretty much anything that is a growing field in your region (or the region you want to relocate to), that you won't completely loathe, and GO GET IT. You'll be making a self sustaining wage, that will allow you complete independence, while you further explore what you want to do with the REST of your life. If your not gonna be working your dream job anyway (whether at Taco bell or as a sonographer), isn't it better to be not working it while making $16.00+ an hour Vs. $8.00....you still won't be completely fulfilled five years down the road, but you'll sure as hell be in a more flexible spot to change directions. Your criminal record is an anchor, not a death sentence. You said you live in California, I presume the DUI's were there too. If the legally sufficient time has passed for expungement...do it NOW man! You are lucky enough to live in a state where that is an option. No judgment here boss, I was fortunate enough to escape a rather self destructive point in my life without a record. Same behavior, only difference you got pinched before you could snap out of it, and I didn't.

      This next part is incredibly important, and I fully credit it with helping me keep my emotions and thoughts on the right track. You have to self motivate. When you start thinking about your life and how "You're not where you should be", and all the depressing realizations starting flooding in at once and self-amplifying up to 11. You have to stop yourself, state the positives, and do it till the negativity shakes: You have an incredible opportunity to attend/focus on school by living with your parents, You aren't bankrupt, You aren't in a loveless marriage, You aren't upside down in a house, You aren't divorced (alimony, child support, kids), you don't have a debilitating handicap or illness, you aren't homeless, you aren't hungry, you have people in your life that care about you, and you live in one of the most amazing, safe, and opportunity filled countries on earth. Stay at home and go to school....there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with living at home while attending school, Living at home + school = non issue with the ladies and society as a whole.

      At this very second....your life (and everyone else's) has an infinite number of paths and ultimate conclusions. Good and bad. Half of which will be attained by simple cause and effect reactive choices while drifting through life, and half are from proactive, guided, & tenacious actions you make. In the end, if you make it into those final decades we all picture ourselves getting to, you're only left with the reflection of your life. Either a sense of regret or a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. You're at the beginning of that spectrum, but it, like the middle & end will morph into one another so gradually it's almost diabolical. Like I said, not preaching, just wanted to share my take on the situation as a whole.
      Very well said.
      Stay in it till you see God....then lift

      Where patience fails, force prevails

      "When you're born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front-row seat." G. Carlin

      Stapp's Ironical Paradox...... "The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle."

    20. #60
      Join Date
      Jul 2008
      Location
      Dallas, TX
      Posts
      260
      Quote Originally Posted by andrewb70 View Post
      Hey Matt,

      I have a radical idea. Why don't you be single for a while? I am being 100% serious....

      Andrew
      There could be nothing truer. Being single forever sucks, but if a someone doesn't have a couple happy years of being single under their belt, they will always have an itch to bail on good relationships. I steer clear of women that have never been single for more than a couple months... Being single and not chasing tail every weekend leads to finished cars
      '69 Chevelle - LQ4/T56
      '71 GMC SWB Fleetside - LM7/AR5

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