"Blonde Joke" time ...

[mpozzi]

Did you hear the one about the blonde that went up to the YMCA building??? She looked at the sign outside and said "WOW, they spelled Macy's wrong ..."

Cheers and bring 'em on,
Mary Pozzi

[Damn True]

A blonde walked into a bar. It left a hell of bruise.

[twosaturns]

how does a blonde turn on the light after sex?

she opens the car door.

[twosaturns]

what does a blonde say after sex?

are you all on the same team?

[406 Q-ship]

What do you call a brunette blowing into the ear of a blond.....

Data transfer

[6'9"Witha69]

A blonde and a brunette are walking along the street. The brunette says "oh no, a dead birdie!".

The blonde looks around in the sky "Where?"

[terryr]

Let's bring on the black jokes too. And Jew jokes. They should be laughed at too.
Otherwise I take offense. Why is it somehow okay to laugh at people of Scandinavian ancestry, but not at anyone else? And Moderators are doing it instead of closing the thread?!

http://blondfrombirth.org/

Or maybe you mean dye-jobs. You know, moron women who paint their hair yellow.

The dye-job broke her leg raking leaves. She fell out of the tree.

[toxicz28]

Let's bring on the black jokes too. And Jew jokes. They should be laughed at too.
Otherwise I take offense. Why is it somehow okay to laugh at people of Scandinavian ancestry, but not at anyone else? And Moderators are doing it instead of closing the thread?!

http://blondfrombirth.org/

Or maybe you mean dye-jobs. You know, moron women who paint their hair yellow.

The dye-job broke her leg raking leaves. She fell out of the tree.


Wow! How pathetic!
From someone of Scandinavian ancestry.

[monza]

Let's bring on the black jokes too. And Jew jokes. They should be laughed at too.
Otherwise I take offense. Why is it somehow okay to laugh at people of Scandinavian ancestry, but not at anyone else? And Moderators are doing it instead of closing the thread?!

http://blondfrombirth.org/

Or maybe you mean dye-jobs. You know, moron women who paint their hair yellow.

The dye-job broke her leg raking leaves. She fell out of the tree.

Is this a bad attempt at a joke? You Can't be serious...

[Rod]

Scandinavian??? I didn't know Scandinavian was a certain coloring?? from what i remember in college, if you were of Scandinavian ancestry, then that would be a Nordic ethnic group(from what i have read), and that can be traced all the way back to Azerbaijan and that could or would make you dark skinned and dark hair also?? or did you mean that just because your blonde you think that's Scandinavian, there are many good articles on Euro-Centric Theories of Migration that throw out that arcane dogmatic medieval view of history printed by Europeans in which they describe their own ancestors as the discoverers of the rest of the world,,,, or maybe your just a blonde person? maybe the jokes could be misplaced, its just jokes

[406 Q-ship]

I have a very good friend of Scandinavian ancestry that is a natural blond. She herself has a sweatshirt that says......speak slowly natural blond.

[vanzuuk1]

What does a blond have in common with a 747?...the black box.

[vanzuuk1]

I dont think hes kidding,and that scares me.

[John Wright]

Three blondes walking through the woods one day come across a set of tracks.
1st blonde says-"looks like deer tracks"

2nd blonde says-"No those are moose tracks"

3rd blonde - got hit by the train.


Oh Yeah!
You can always tell where a train has been by it's tracks!

[vanzuuk1]

I heard a comedian do a bit where he was telling a joke about two morons and someone from the audience said "excuse me I am moron and I find that offensive"...

[John Wright]

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass.

:idea:She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART!

Why WAL-MART??

HELLOOOOOOOOO!

WALMART is the largest re-tailer in the world!!!

[Gitter Dun]

Hey John, did you just make that one up, ha ha ha, very clever, LOL

[John Wright]

Hey John, did you just make that one up, ha ha ha, very clever, LOL
nah, just an email that came in a few minutes ago....perfect timing.

[toxicz28]

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?"
"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.
"What's the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....

[John Wright]

Not exactly a blonde joke...but....it mentions a blonde.


A redneck family from the hills of Arkansas was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives.

The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by
two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'Paw, what's at?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is.

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, Boy.................go gitcha momma'.

[John Wright]

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he
decided he wanted to marry
her right away.

She said, "But we don't know anything about
each other."
He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about
each other as we go along."
So she consented, and they were married, and
went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning they were laying by the pool, when
he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did
a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three
rotations in a jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the
water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations,
he came back and lay down on the towel. She
said," That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving
champion". "You see, I told you we'd learn more about
ourselves as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started
doing laps. After about fifty laps she climbed back out and lay
down on her towel, hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an
Olympic endurance swimmer?"


"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Pierre, South
Dakota and worked both sides of the river".

[John Wright]

One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say, 'We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of
snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.' So the good wife went out and moved the car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, 'We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through.' The good wife went out and moved the car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, 'We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park....'

Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, 'Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?'

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, the husband replied,


'Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?'

[John Wright]

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed;
likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY,
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'

[John Wright]

"Sex Frogs for Sale"

A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet . As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.

The sign says:

'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions.

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!' As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!' The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:

1. Take a shower.

2. Splash on some nice perfume.

3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.

4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens!

The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions .... please call the pet store.

' So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.

' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The dang frog just SITS there!'

The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:

'LISTEN TO ME!!

I'm only going to show you how to do this .....ONE ... MORE ... TIME!!!'

[John Wright]

"The Alabama preacher said to his congregation, ' Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness From God and this Christian Family. No one moved.

The preacher continued, ' Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory.
Now stand and confess your transgression. Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, ' Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the
Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a "wizard" under the sheets.

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!"

[mpozzi]

Let's bring on the black jokes too. And Jew jokes. They should be laughed at too.
Otherwise I take offense. Why is it somehow okay to laugh at people of Scandinavian ancestry, but not at anyone else? And Moderators are doing it instead of closing the thread?!

http://blondfrombirth.org/

Or maybe you mean dye-jobs. You know, moron women who paint their hair yellow.

The dye-job broke her leg raking leaves. She fell out of the tree.

After a lengthy conversation ... someone asks "Are you Finnish????" with the reply being "No, I Sveeeedish!!"

If you ever watched the sitcom "Soap" back in the '70's, you'll get it.

And hell ... we Mods make fun of ourselves all the time. We even make fun of each other if we get the opportunity. Just some light-hearted humor to remedy a boring day.

Cheers,
Mary Pozzi

[mpozzi]

And John W. ... you have wayyyy too much free time on your hands. Go vacuum the rugs, wash the car, clean windows. Do something else because I'm laughing way too much here.

LOL,
Mary Pozzi

[6'9"Witha69]

Let's bring on the black jokes too. And Jew jokes. They should be laughed at too.
Otherwise I take offense. Why is it somehow okay to laugh at people of Scandinavian ancestry, but not at anyone else? And Moderators are doing it instead of closing the thread?!

http://blondfrombirth.org/

Or maybe you mean dye-jobs. You know, moron women who paint their hair yellow.

The dye-job broke her leg raking leaves. She fell out of the tree.
Wow. I am blonde. Have heard about every joke possible. This is over the top in terms of overly sensitive.

[Rod]

some blondes are just sensitive!

Wait!!

I think Mary started this thread, and she's Blonde, and a moderator :hand: hope she doesn't offend herself :eek:

[mpozzi]

some blondes are just sensitive!

Wait!!

I think Mary started this thread, and she's Blonde, and a moderator :hand: hope she doesn't offend herself :eek:

I offend myself a lot ... LOL. And my hair isn't that way by good genes but rather with help so I don't show my age.

Cheers,
Mary Pozzi

[zbugger]

Really Terry? Really? I'm of Scandinavian descent (family from Sweden) and my girlfriend is blond. I'm offended by your post. You're the type of person that is the reason we can't have fun and be light hearted. Maybe it's just because I take a lot of things lightly and am not easily offended, but most jokes don't offend me. Go ahead and make fun of me. I'll pile on. Learn to take a joke and have a little fun in life. Laughter is the best medicine. Or just be serious and be offended by anything and die younger.

Ok, rant off..

[wicked68]

I laugh at all the jokes I hear - black / jewish / blonde / redneck / yankee / latino / etc.

Some of them fit me as well - lol the blond and redneck ones and of course I always have fun with my jewish yankee friends - oh and I forgot the gay jokes too - I laugh at them too.

In fact I am really tempted to pull over in my area I work in - and ask some of the local black youths that walk around with their pants hanging down if they know how stupid they look. I haven't done it yet since my bullet proof vest is still on order......lol - my black friends and I laugh at them all the time :D

if the mods want to relabel the thread - depricating subculture jokes - I will be happy to add self depricating redneck jokes - I have some that are even first hand life experience.

[zbugger]

...I have some that are even first hand life experience.
lol.... Those are the best ones!!!


Ok, now back to the blond jokes. I'd add one, but I'm still reading John's essays.

[toxicz28]

Blondes have more fun.
Brunettes remember it the next day.

[John Wright]

A blonde from California decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but
she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune . . . the Supermarket manager sees her and shuts the horse off.

[John Wright]

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

[John Wright]

Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.

They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"

[John Wright]

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Scroll Down. --->



























<----- Scroll Up.










.

[John Wright]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[terryr]

I'm astounded by the retard white trash on this site. I've given y'all time to reflect, and still no insight into human rights.
Apparently, every person born has protection against comments against their God given characteristics. Except if you were born with blond hair.
If you have blond hair you can be laughed at for any reason, and you can't defend yourself. If you do, you 'don't have a sense of humor' or 'you're too sensitive', or 'you're a nazi'.

Black decide what is a racial slur against them. Asians decide what insults them. Gays speak out against homophobia. But blond people can't. Their attackers get to decide what's insulting and what's not.

So where's the ****** jokes and chink jokes? C'mon. I know you have them. If they complain tell them they don't have a sense of humor either.

Or how about woman driver jokes. I'm sure Pozzi can laugh at herself.

We bumped into some old friends yesterday, my wife was driving.

My wife wanted a foreign convertible, so I bought her a rickshaw.

Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the swimming pool."

Policeman: 'When I saw you coming round that bend I thought, "Forty-five at least".'
Woman motorist: 'Well, I always look older in this hat.'

My wife had a nasty accident with the car this morning. She backed it out of the garage, completely forgetting that the night before, she had backed it in.

Real answers given by Women Drivers in the California Driving Test:

Question: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
Answer: Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.

Question: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light
and a flashing yellow traffic light?
Answer: The color.

Question: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
Answer: What for? He can’t see my license plate.


Question: When driving through fog, what should you use?
Answer: Your car.

Question: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no
longer drive lawfully?
Answer: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

What's really funny is how many guys suck up to a woman driver on this website. It must be a rare thing. But no matter how much you kiss her ass she's not going to suck your ****.

Just kidding.

[6'9"Witha69]

Way to take the high road.

/sarcasm

Time for a lock!

[jknight16]

I'm astounded by the retard white trash on this site. I've given y'all time to reflect...

If your post said nothing but what I've quoted above, it would still be enough to discredit you as a hypocrite.

[6'9"Witha69]

if your post said nothing but what i've quoted above, it would still be enough to discredit you as a hypocrit.
lmao!!

+1!

[crustysack]

this will get pulled shortly
what do you do when you see a n1gger hopping with his foot blown off??
stop laughin and keep shootin

[shmoov69]

Wow Crusty!!

And please tell me you ARE joking Terry!!??! And going along with the jokes........?

[crustysack]

chinese people are good for 2 things
1 counting
2 squinting

[crustysack]

women are good for 2 things
f3cking and NOTHIN

[crustysack]

A guy caught his wife cheating and said " I think it would be a good idea if we didn't see each other for a few days"
1st day goes by they dont see each other
2nd day goes by they dont see each other
3rd day she could see him just a little bit out of her right eye

[Mkelcy]

Jokes are tough - there are those that you laugh at and there are those that make you cringe because they're so deeply offensive. Mostly the last ones have been cringers.

It's too bad we can't tell innocent jokes without someone trotting out racism and spousal abuse and "fuuny" topics.

[Larry Callahan]

With that said.... Locked