shmoov69
11-22-2008, 04:18 PM
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> expensive.....so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the
> fight started....
>
> ************************************************** *******
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller
> Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I
> told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
> cream. And that's how the fight started.
>
> ************************************************** **********************
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> Security.
> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
> my age.
> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
> the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
> back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
> silver
> hair on your chest is proof enough for me and she processed my Social
> Security application.
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> Social Security office. She said, You should have dropped your pants.
> You might have gotten disability, too'. And
> that's how the fight started.....
>
> ************************************************** *********************
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
> kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
> nearby table.
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
> girlfriend. I understand she took to
> drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> hasn't been sober since.'
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
> that long?'
> And that's how the fight started.....
>
> ************************************************** *********************
> I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
> and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
> you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
> well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my
> car, looked up at me,
> and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!! So, I looked down at him and said,
> 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.....
>
> ************************************************** **********************
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said,
> 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
> 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's how the fight started.....
> expensive.....so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the
> fight started....
>
> ************************************************** *******
> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller
> Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I
> told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
> cream. And that's how the fight started.
>
> ************************************************** **********************
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> Security.
> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
> my age.
> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told
> the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
> back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
> silver
> hair on your chest is proof enough for me and she processed my Social
> Security application.
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> Social Security office. She said, You should have dropped your pants.
> You might have gotten disability, too'. And
> that's how the fight started.....
>
> ************************************************** *********************
> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
> kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
> nearby table.
> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old
> girlfriend. I understand she took to
> drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> hasn't been sober since.'
> 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
> that long?'
> And that's how the fight started.....
>
> ************************************************** *********************
> I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
> and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
> you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
> well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my
> car, looked up at me,
> and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!! So, I looked down at him and said,
> 'Well, then which one are you?' And that's how the fight started.....
>
> ************************************************** **********************
> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said,
> 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
> 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And that's how the fight started.....