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Tiger
11-25-2004, 12:24 PM
>Black November
>When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
>My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop.
>Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
>And he told me there was something I had to know.
>His look and his tone I will always remember,
>When he told me of the horrors of....Black November.
>"Come about August, now listen to me,
>Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three.
>And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
>And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin.
>And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
>In'll burst the farmer's wife and hack off your head.
>Then she'll pluck out your feathers so you're bald and pink, And scoop
>out your insides and leave you lying in the sink. And then comes the
>worst part he said not bluffing, "She'll spread your cheeks and pack
>your rear end with stuffing!" Well, the rest of his words were too grim
>to repeat, I sat on the stoop like a singed piece of meat.
>I decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
>I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked.
>I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
>High roughage salads, juice and diet cola.
>And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
>I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes.
>I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
>And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed.
>But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
>As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death.
>And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
>I was the last turkey left in the whole compound.
>So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap,
>I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap.
>She held me today, while sewing and humming,
>And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming........."

TonyL
11-25-2004, 01:04 PM
HA!

and now, the obligitory "Parrot" joke

The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back.
John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even MORE rude.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude
language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING